In this anonymous guest post, written in response to our latest challenge, a writer shares her story…
So this week’s challenge to keep going with something that’s difficult came at an interesting time for me. There’s been a series of major incidents happening to or involving people around me of late. People I have a lot of emotional investment in have all been grappling with big life stuff just in the last two weeks!
Some of that stuff has involved church, and to be more specific, relationships within our church. God’s calling for his people to be in community with each other sounds like a lovely, warm, friendly way to do life. Until you actually start working with people! Because we’re all broken, each of us has our own unique brokenness, and when you put people together: really together, that brokenness can clash and get painful.
Our situation involves our church leadership. I felt challenged to do what seems to be a VERY difficult thing and confront my church leaders. I say it’s a very difficult thing, and yet it shouldn’t really be. Surely where we feel injustice is happening in church life really we ought to be able to challenge it, and leaders ought to encourage those in the wider leadership team (as I am), if not the body of the church to do just that. But it’s difficult, for many reasons!
So more than two weeks ago I went to the church leader to try to make my response to a specific situation that is still ongoing. I came out of that conversation feeling as though I hadn’t actually said the thing I wanted to say and he hadn’t really understood even what I had said. And I decided that I wouldn’t try again, thinking: I’m too close to my friend (also involved in the leadership) who is being hurt; I’m too emotional to be able to put my point across clearly and without tears. Maybe it’s not up to me, I thought, I’ll leave it to God.
Two weeks later, after much prayer, many tears, truly pleading with, and then really listening to God I went back to the same church leader. I hadn’t prepared what to say; I hadn’t necessarily intended to try to ‘sort out’ the situation. I didn’t want to wade into a situation that really might not need me. But I was able to say ‘This is unjust’; he heard me; and I walked away with a lighter step and hope in my heart that this relationship might be reconciled.
My prayer all of last week (apart from God will you just DO SOMETHING!) was:
May God go before us and come behind us.
And do you know what? He really did.